Why Your Marriage is Vital to Ministry!
Let’s be real: Ministry life is intense. You’re constantly juggling complex challenges, dealing with unrealistic expectations, and facing external pressures that can drain anyone. You’ve seen the statistics showing that when pastors are super stressed out, their marriages and families suffer, too. Nobody wants that!
But here’s the good news: Your marriage isn’t just a side project; it’s the absolute foundation of your effectiveness. It’s more important to preserve and protect your marriage than it is to preserve and protect the ministry. God entrusted your marriage to you as a responsibility to steward well.
It’s not if ministry stressors will hit, but how you deal with them that matters. Here are five ways to navigate the pressure cooker and keep your relationship strong:
- Marriage First, Always (Set Those Boundaries!) Seriously, your marriage is number one, even before the ministry! You have to be intentional about creating a clear line between your marriage and your ministry. Remember, living in rhythm isn’t about better time management; it’s about better boundary management. If you don’t schedule your priorities, someone else will definitely schedule theirs for you.
- Connect Like You Mean It. As life gets more complicated, being intentional about connection is vital. If you rely on spontaneity, the urgent stuff will always crowd out the important stuff. Schedule those weekly dates and block out time for family priorities. Even small things make a difference, like kissing each other goodbye in the morning and greeting one another with a smile and a hug when you get home.
- Don’t Go Solo—Find Your Crew. You absolutely need friends! Don’t let the enemy scare you into isolation. Cultivate life-giving relationships with “safe people”—friends who want nothing from you but the best. Also, seek out mentors. Pairing with a seasoned couple provides long-term stability and guidance that only years of experience can offer.
- Do Ministry TOGETHER. Marriage is fundamentally about sharing, doing things together, and making decisions together. Why not challenge yourselves to pray about a deeper partnership? Consider co-leading a small group, a class, or a mission trip. Sharing a “new category of calling” requires stepping outside your comfort zone and can be an amazing growth experience. My wife Jennifer and I do this by coaching other ministry couples. If interested, check out https://www.reclaimleadership.org/marriage-coaching.
- Self-Care is Not Selfish. Stop feeling guilty about carving out “Me-time!” Self-care is necessary, not selfishness. If you don’t take time to rest, you just become unduly stretched and stressed. Even Jesus understood this, taking his followers to a quiet place to rest. Taking care of yourself is evidence that you care for your spouse, family, and ministry. Our ministry Reclaim Leadership makes it easy… https://www.reclaimleadership.org/retreat-for-couples.
Here’s the final secret: The key to marriage and ministry is ultimately remaining in rhythm with God. Invest quality time and emotions in your personal relationship with Him and in your marriage—you’ll see amazing fruit in both your marriage and ministry!
Written by Eric Willis, EdD, Positive Leadership Consultant, Author, Speaker
