No one needs to explain that there is often tension between church schedules and family needs.  Even the novice minister recognizes that fact early in ministry.  There is no one-size-fits-all-method to master that dance but I would like to offer some principles.

Be Intentional

You must prioritize your family and you must keep deft pressure on this emphasis.  I dis-recommend offering a hard and fast schedule that you will not deviate from.  But I do advocate a consistent structure that will serve your family in times of non-church crisis.  You will not drift into raising a strong Christian family serving them out of the leftovers of a busy church.  You must make it a priority and try to keep it…religiously.  

Explain Patiently

Your typical non-minister does not understand all the ways your schedule is shaped.  Most of us know very little about the life of a plumber who is on call around the clock either.  But it helps to have an honest discussion with your key leaders about your schedule tensions.  They may be defiant but I have found them to be completely understanding.  I have on multiple occasions reminded lay and staff leaders that 1 Timothy 3:4-5 requires the minister to invest in his family at the peril of disqualification from ministry.  I have found that no church wants to be guilty of helping a minister destroy his family.  Explain patiently and be prepared to explain repeatedly when it happens again.  

Compensate Liberally

When schedules collide, your family may lose.  It’s your job to make sure they don’t lose every time.  You will have to use wisdom as to what constitutes a real crisis and what is just a noisy problem.  Most problems can wait an hour or two for you to arrive as the “savior”.  The telephone is your friend and can buy you some time.  Use it as often as you can.  But when the situation results in a conflict with your family, be deliberate in compensating as soon as possible.  Extra time the next day, special dates for breakfast, lunch, or dinner, or some other significant effort by you can communicate to your children or spouse that they take priority in your life.  

Protect Your Vacation

Early on in ministry an experienced minister offered this suggestion and I have followed it for almost 40 years.  Every week of the year a minister is on call.  If I am on church business or at a conference out of town or even out of state, I am on call.  But when I took a family vacation, I pledged to never leave my family or cut short any plans we may have had.  Our extended family lived out of state and the holiday season usually involved my traveling.  Deaths and funerals don’t respect the holidays but if you don’t, your spouse or children will become bitter at you for prioritizing church every week of the year.  Again, the telephone is your friend.

You have your children for a short season.  You are the only you they have.  Keep your eye on the ball.

Author: Dr. Greg Belser is the Senior Pastor of Morrison Heights Baptist Church in Clinton, MS. He has been married to Susan for forty-one years, and together they have three daughters – Lindsay, Ashley, and Bethany, all of whom are happily married to men involved in the ministry. Also joining the family are nine precious grandchildren. When he finds himself with a little free time, he enjoys reading, playing golf, and operating power tools.